Interviews with Meldawen

[RaistlinMajere]

A pleasure to meet you, Merrin. I know you're busy trying to save dragonkind and all, but just a few questions here. First of all, have you always wanted to be a dragonrider? How did you first meet Wyvern?

Meldawen - How do you think Merrin has evolved as a character throughout the rpg? Has she grown bolder, shyer, more faithful?

[Meldawen]

You know very well I'm not saving dragonkind entirely alone. The pleasure is all mine.

I wanted to be a dragonrider from the first time I ever saw one, when I think was probably thirteen or fourteen. Our village never saw dragons much other than their shapes in the sky, and nobody took me seriously. When I was fifteen a dragonrider pair stayed in our town square for a fortnight - it was the only place they'd both fit - because the dragon had broken her wing. Somehow I managed to avoid all manner of chores to spend almost every waking moment with them, and I think the dragon saw something in me. I don't know what it was - certainly I wasn't skilled - but the rider agreed to take me to Vryngard to be a dragon-page.

Wyvern was another dream. I never thought I'd even go to Vryngard, let alone get a dragon, but I suppose the gods were helping me. To cut a long story short, I stumbled upon a Meiltha attempting to steal our queen dragon-egg from the hatcheries very early one morning. I used to go there to see Wyvern's egg, and sometimes talk to it, odd as it sounds - I didn't have very many friends. Almost none, in fact. Somehow I stopped him and...I suppose things progressed from there. It got me knighted, in any case, and Wyvern chose the right time to hatch.

Careful, you'll get me off on a long spiel of character philosophy Over the course of the rpg I think she's gotten more outspoken, more willing to stand up for what she believes in no matter what the cost. She was never what she would describe as brave, and a lot of things scare her, but she's learning that she doesn't have to meet them alone. She has the gods, who she knows always stand behind her, and Wyvern...and another personage I believe we all know

[RaistlinMajere]

So it seems you have more potential than you give yourself credit for. During your years in Vryngard as the "peasant girl," was there anyone at all who supported you? It seemed that Commander Thorone had some faith in you at least.

[Meldawen]

No. I suppose it was partly my fault. I...assumed that if the other pages wanted nothing to do with me, nobody else would either. Before Wyvern Vryngard was a very lonely place, and I had never spoken to Thorone at all until it came time for the Council to decide...my fate, as it were. The Council at least believes in the gods they serve, the Commander most of all. Perhaps the gods vouched for me. I can't think how I could have been knighted if they hadn't.

Dreams are strange things...even before Wyvern I would have chosen to be lonely in Vryngard rather than go home and admit defeat, and be with those I loved.

[RaistlinMajere]

Did you always feel the presence of the gods inside of you or was it a spontaneous matter, ever since they first contacted you in the Druid fortress? They told you to free your former captors - what exactly did you think of that? More specifically, what exactly do you think of Meiltha - evil, misguided...?

Meldawen - You say that Merrin's a lot like yourself. When did you begin to see this in her?

[Meldawen]

I...don't know. It wasn't a surprise, somehow, when they talked to me first, but I think I'd felt them in my mind before. Without words. Just the knowledge that I wasn't alone, they were...real. They were there. Maybe that's why I never understood the other pages at Vryngard, who saw the gods as images in a temple, not real entities.

It was a test, I admit, to do what they said at the Druids' fortress. I really wanted Kendath and Evlyn to get what they deserved, and that was not my idea of what they deserved at all. But I suppose it worked out for the best in any case.

I haven't seen enough Meiltha to judge. They...don't make sense to me. Kendath is still confusing, and he isn't even a Meiltha anymore. I feel rather sorry for them, I suppose...I can't imagine life without the gods, and they haven't ever had them.

From the beginning, I think. When my characters don't have developed personalities, I tend to revert to the easiest one for me to play. Myself. Merrin isn't identical to me, she's developed her own unique traits, but we share things like lack of self-confidence, worry, faith. Or rather, what I wish my faith was. Maybe that's what makes her one of my better characters. I think there's even resemblance between us, to a point.

[RaistlinMajere]

Do you believe in the concept of good and evil? Do you believe that by battling the Meiltha, you're eradicating evil in the world?

[Meldawen]

There will always be evil in the world, Meiltha or no. There will always be a need to fight it. And Meiltha can change - Kendath has proven that. No, by fighting them I am standing for what I believe in, proving to them that the gods are not the spiteful tyrannical beings they think them to be. If - to show that - I must fight them, so be it.

[RaistlinMajere]

So you believe that it's not people that are evil, but emotions and concepts? Have you ever found yourself questioning the Renegade cause?

And second question - what was the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

[Meldawen]

There are undoubtedly beings in this world beyond redemption. Powers set in their ways that will not be changed, no matter who attempts it. But people themselves are never beyond redemption.

And no. I can say honestly that the Renegade cause has meant everything to me, I think due in part to the fact that the gods have always been so close. Questioning our cause would mean, in effect, questioning the gods, and I have never seen reason to do so. For a space of perhaps two year I had no one except the gods, and they never abandoned me. I will never do so to them.

The hardest thing I've had to do was bittersweet. When I left home, I was going to Vryngard - where I'd dreamed of going for years - but I've never been back since. Leaving felt like entering another life, almost an alternate reality, and it hurt to even think of home for a long time. The other, I think, was having to observe the legendary Lost Battle. So many lives lost...and I ached to warn them, tell them the catastrophe about to descend. To only watch was agony.

[RaistlinMajere]

It mentioned how you were always talking to the silver egg. What exactly did you see in the silver egg that was different?

[Meldawen]

It just...was. Lots of pages aspired to earn the right to ride the hatchling queen dragonet, but I had nothing in common with a queen. I did with the little silver one. It wasn't the object of scrutiny by many, and nobody expected it to hatch well. It didn't, really, Wyvern will never be very big, but I think I felt as though this was a dragon who might feel the same things I did - rejection, loneliness, uselessness. A dragon who might know how I felt. That was what I wanted most - someone who cared.

[RaistlinMajere]

So you empathized with what others might perceive as weakness. Do your parents know of your exploits? Do you think they'd be proud of you?

Meldawen - Merrin didn't seem to be very happy during her first years at Vryngard. What do you think offered her the hope to keep persevering?

[Meldawen]

Our letters are few and far between. They need to be carried by a dragonrider, and as we have few to spare at Vryngard and they rarely land at Riversmeet I correspond only occasionally with my family in general. But yes, they know of my ascension to dragonrider at least, though not, I think, of the events of late. Thorone was on the point of sending word of my death at one point, which thankfully he did not have occasion to do. They will always be proud of me, I think - it's almost unheard of, now, for a peasant to rise to dragonrider.

Merrin really wanted to be a dragonrider. She knew she had no chance of reaching that goal back in village, and though the chance in Vryngard was still slim, it was larger. I don't think she would have been happy with herself if she'd gone back, no matter how much she wanted to.

[RaistlinMajere]

Do you still strive to please your parents, or do you value independence above that? What do you think would be your parents' reactions if they knew of the recent events?